My life is such a mystery to me. I have a bad habit of looking back. There are a lot of great memories of loves, laughs and crazy times. I never looked at how the way I lived affected the way I was or maybe it's the other way around. I do know that I was always traveling, always on the move. I never really had invested in my own life. I see that has changed. What I want has changed. The whole reason I moved around so much always eluded me. It was like I was searching for something but never knew what it was. I was wrong. It was never what it was. It was who it was.
I'm not sure what my future looks like but I'm looking at it. I'm moving towards it. I'm looking at putting something permanent in my life. I know it's late but I am at my best under pressure. She is my mantra, my raison d'etre. She makes the mornings shine and the moon glow. I watch her sometimes in the morning before I leave for work. An angel. I am drawn to her. I always have been. I fought it for so long. Now the time is almost right.
Of course, I'm the kind of guy that's terrible at improvising even though I'm fairly good at adapting. I'm not sure what to do. I should know but this is a first for me so there are no instructions. Wingin' it. A little scarey but a lot is at stake. I've definitely got to get my act together though.
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